Marina Gask, 60, a journalist and copywriter from South London, found that her relationships with her family were strained during menopause, particularly when one specific symptom took a heavy toll on her life. However, it was by becoming more open with her husband and sons that she ultimately found relief and strengthened their bond. She shared her story on My Menopause Centre.
What stands out most in my memory of going through menopause is the intense isolation and constant feeling of rage. No matter what my husband and two teenage sons did, I felt like I was irrationally angry and hurt by them. They were probably just being their usual, sometimes thoughtless selves, but I couldn’t shake the sense that they didn’t understand what I was going through—or that they didn’t care. I kept asking myself, Why can’t they see how much I’m struggling?
I was 48 when the symptoms of perimenopause first hit—irregular periods, constant hot flashes, day and night, and itchy, irritated skin. Emotionally, I was all over the place, feeling anxious and out of control. A visit to the doctor and a blood test confirmed I was entering perimenopause. I didn’t consider HRT, though, because of all the fears circulating at the time about its links to breast cancer. So, I decided to just endure it, the way my mother had.
But the skin issues quickly became unbearable. Around my fiftieth birthday, a painful red rash appeared on my neck and gradually spread across my body. The itching was maddening, especially at night, and it kept me awake. My doctor was sympathetic, but she didn’t know what to make of it.
Eventually, after a referral to a dermatologist, I was diagnosed with a menopause-related rash triggered by psoriasis, a condition I had a history of. The doctor explained it had likely been set off by an allergic reaction, but there was little they could do. I was given creams to soothe the rash and told it would eventually fade on its own. In the meantime, I took sedatives to help me sleep.
At the time, I was editing a magazine and had to avoid wearing any synthetic fabrics because they aggravated my skin. I was incredibly self-conscious about how I looked. The rash was impossible to hide, especially on my neck, and it made everyday tasks feel overwhelming. When I got home, all I wanted was to retreat to our new loft bedroom, where I could watch TV or quietly cry.
It seemed easier to isolate myself. The emotional rollercoaster I was on made me snap or cry at the slightest provocation. To make things more complicated, my eldest son was 15 and going through his own hormonal changes. He was preparing for his GCSEs, and I tried to be supportive, but it always came out wrong. We couldn’t seem to communicate, and it made everything more frustrating.
Living in an all-male household during this time only amplified my sense of isolation. I found it difficult to talk to the boys about what I was going through. I’d never really discussed my emotions with them before, always just being ‘Mum,’ and it felt awkward and embarrassing to bring up menopause. I kept everything bottled up, which probably felt strange to them. Looking back, I realize I was behaving in ways that didn’t make sense, but at the time, I couldn’t help it.
I couldn’t even bring myself to talk to my husband about how I was feeling. He knew about the rash, of course, but the emotional side of things was a different story. I was anxious, tearful, and angry, but couldn’t explain why. He’s a pretty understanding person, but I just couldn’t find the words. It must have been confusing for him to see me so unlike myself. Eventually, I did find the courage to talk about what was going on inside my head. I wish I’d opened up sooner, though. He was incredibly supportive, and he made sure the boys understood what I was going through too. They gave me the space I needed but also offered little gestures of care, like bringing me a cup of tea.
After a couple of months, with the help of an acupuncturist, the rash began to subside, and life started to feel a bit more manageable. But it took longer for the other menopausal symptoms to fade. Fortunately, I had read that exercise could help, so I started running. Jogging through the woods with my dog a few mornings a week became an essential part of my routine. It made a huge difference, especially in terms of balancing my moods.
By the time I was 52, my periods had stopped completely, and so had most of the symptoms. Now, at 60, I’m still running three times a week. I’ve learned to be more open about my feelings, and my relationship with my husband and sons has improved significantly. They’ve also become a lot more knowledgeable about menopause, thankfully!
